As Seen In Rethink Monthly

10 Great Idaes for the Recession

So the economy is not in the best shape. Ok, maybe that’s a major understatement! As far as money goes, things are bad. Most economists believe that this is the worst shape that the economy has been in since the Great Depression.

Words like stimulus, recovery, and bailout have taken on new meanings and have made their way to the forefront of our collective consciousness.

And while I could be writing an article explaining the spiritual and sub sequential theological reasoning for our current recession, or writing an article to give people who are faced with gut-wrenching financial decisions encouragement and hope; instead I will take this time to draw your attention to things you can be doing, and spending your limited income on- here in the heart of the Mid Willamette Valley- during these tough economic times:

1. Looking to get away to your favorite Disney theme park this summer, but your finances simply won’t allow it? No need to worry, there is a local-cheaper alternative:

The Enchanted Forest- It’s only a few miles South of Salem on I-5 so there’s no need to book an expensive plane ticket or hotel room. And for only about $100, you and your entire family can have a great time! At the Enchanted Forest, in only one day, you can visit the Snow White’s Seven Dwarves’ Mine, plummet down a log plume, catch a hilariously cheesy play, and witness one of the most spell-binding water shows this side of Vegas- plus much more! For more information visit www.enchantedforest.com.

2. Love going out to dinner with your significant other to that special place where the waiter with the fake accent knows you by name, but can’t afford to go anymore? Don’t stress, there is a cost-effective alternative:

Taco Bell- Offering nearly 10 local locations to serve you, wonderfully delicious fast food, an extraordinarily low priced menu, and a tacky-early-nineties Southwestern motif- there’s never been a better time to cross the border! Not romantic enough for you? Bring your own candle and a vase filled with stolen- I mean handpicked flowers to add to the table and you’ll have your lady swooning in no time at all! www.tacobell.com

3. Family can’t afford to go on your annual week-long cruise through the Mexican Riviera any longer? No need to fear; you can set sail right here in our own back yard for a fraction of the price- and time:

The Willamette Queen- Your historical desire to be Roll’n on the River can be fulfilled in our very own Willamette River. The Willamette Queen departs daily from its port at The River Front Park for a variety of river cruises including sightseeing and lunch excursions. You may not see pristine blue waters and dolphins, but you can enjoy the unique wildlife of Western Oregon and the hospitality of the boat’s captain Richard Chesbrough. www.willamettequeen.com

4. Using your mobile phone for texting is fun and convenient, but in these hard times, texting can become an unnecessary luxury with expensive charges of $.05- $.10 per message. There is, however, a revolutionary cost-effective alternative to constant texting:

Talking- Who knew that you could use your voice to communicate with someone face to face. You’ll find that using this old fashioned form of communication is fun, intimate, and exciting. Seeing someone’s eyes while ‘talking’ with them is fascinating- they actually have to focus on you. This vantage way of expressing yourself really brings people together!

5. High-Speed internet fees getting too expensive to keep up your MySpace and Facebook habits? That’s ok, I have a new idea for you:

Neighbors- Those cars that you see pulling into garages every evening around 6:00 PM; they actually have people in them. And if you can get up the nerve to walk out of your…front door…and over to the house next to yours, then knock on their front door; you may actually have someone open that door and speak to you. It’s a foreign concept, I know, but this is actually a great alternative way for making new friends.

6. Obsessed with the Twilight series? Love going to Borders to drop some serious change on Oprah’s latest pick, but after groceries you’ve got no green left? Here’s a fresh idea:

The Library- Who knew that with the flash of a free membership card that you could have access to tens of thousands of books for free? Simply pick the book you want to read, read it, and then take it back! What a phenomenal idea! www.cityofsalem.net/departments/library

7. For years you’ve enjoyed riding your fancy prize bred horse with all of your country club friends, but ever since you were laid off from your job you simply can’t afford to keep Clipper any longer. So how can you get your horse riding fix without the expenses of owning a horse?

Salem’s Riverfront Carousel- For only $1.50 you can hop on a beautiful hand carved wooden horse and ride it up and down around a beautiful track of many colors. My favorite horse? Cloud Walker, who strangely has a skinned cat for a saddle. www.salemcarousel.org

8. Starbucks is probably the most common guilty pleasure here in the great Pacific Northwest. But the four-plus dollar a cup price tag can really be a drag when the creditors come-a-calling. Solution?

Juan Valdez- Aaaah…store bought coffee! The joy of looking at the mustachioed Columbian coffee farmer and his mule Conchita every morning! Four dollars a cup?! How about four dollars a can? Instead of waiting in a long line at the local drive through before work, you can wake up 10 minutes early every morning and brew your own coffee straight out of the can. You can reminisce to the days of your parents, where there were only two choices for your coffee: black or with cream and sugar? www.juamvaldez.com

9. Get kicked out of your apartment because you couldn’t pay rent? That’s ok because:

Moving In With Your Parents is the new Buying an Exclusive Downtown Loft. How cool would it be to have your old room back? How great would it be to have Mom do your laundry again? Think you’d be imposing? Pssht! They’re your mom and dad! You’re not imposing!

And I know that some of you may be thinking,” But I have a spouse and kids!” That’s ok! The more the merrier! Right mom and dad???

10. Tired of paying high heating bills? Who isn’t? Well just in time for the recession; possibly one the greatest products ever made available for purchase has been released! Now you can flip channels with your TV remote, type on your laptop, or even read a book all while staying warm- even though your thermostat is turned down low- thanks to:

The Snuggie- Yes friends, I am talking about the “blanket with sleeves”. The Snuggie has all the warmth and comfort of a blanket, with the convenient functionality of a coat!

Ok so it’s just a robe worn backwards, but you still want to be styl’n when your cash flow has been cut off right? And for two Snuggies for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) you can’t go wrong! www.freesnuggie.com