Offense, Part C

For the last two days, I have written on offending people, particularly on pastors (like myself) offending people within their congregations.

Yesterday I wrote that, today, I would state what it is I should do when I offend someone. I’m not sure if I’m ready to so that, but I’ll give it a shot.

First of all, offense is relative and is based on the offended party’s point of view and life experiences. You may do or say something to someone or around someone that would be considered innocent or harmless around everyone else, but because of this person’s worldview it is offensive to them. I’ve resigned to the fact that there is nothing I can do about that.

I’ve also determined that I have been given a position of leadership, whether people like that or not, and that I will make decisions that people will not like in order to see my and my organizations mission, vision, purpose, beliefs, and values upheld. Sometimes, unfortuneately, that does mean sacrificing people’s feelings.

I have determined that I cannot make everyone happy and that by trying to do so, I will actually and ironically make everyone unhappy due to the lack of organization and focus that would result from it.

I have decided that when I do offend someone, I will treat them with dignity and respect. I will not bend over backwards to get them to ‘like me’ again, but I will definitely extend the right hand of fellowship. And if they come around seeking a restoration of relationship sometime later, I will welcome them with open arms.

If it is family or very close friends that I have offended I must, however, do what I can to restore the relationship-even agree to disagree because family and good friends are something that at all costs should not be sacrificed. Although in some very rare and unfortuneately circumstances even that must be done- Jesus Himself said it would happen.

And finally, if I have done something wrong or foolish to offend someone and I am clearly in the wrong, I pray that God and my close friends who hold me accountable will point out my faults and that I will be drawn to humility, repentance, and forgiveness.