Off Your Chest

Do you have something that you need to get off of your chest? Something really bothering you about someone in your life? Do you have a strong opinion, or disagree with how someone else is living?

You’re natural inclination is to “let them have it”; “to get things off of your chest by telling them about your ‘beef’;” or to at least ”send them a long email, text, or Facebook message detailing all of your frustrations.”

But before you do any of these things, ask yourself these questions:

1. “What will this accomplish?
2. “Will this change the past?”
3. “Will this bring us together closer, or push us apart?”
4. “Is what this person is doing/or did  put their, or someone else’s, body or soul at risk?”
5. “Have I earned the right to speak such truth into this person’s life?”
6. “Am I willing to divulge all of my shortcomings in order to show them the danger of theirs, and willing to work together towards dealing with both?”
7. “Am I willing to keep this confrontation confidential between the both of us?”
8. “Will this conversation help the one I’m confronting, and build them up, or will it only make me feel better?”

Once you’ve answered all of these questions; remember that just because you need to “throw-up,” doesn’t mean that you have to ”throw-up” all over someone else just so you can feel better personally. “Throwing-Up” all over someone else will likely make them ill as well, and will not benefit anyone.

Also; be bold and caring at the same time. An email, instant message, or text message is almost always a low-blow and is cowardly. Not to mention, written forms of communication can be radically misconstrued. Listening to someone’s voice, especially while in person, gives you the opportunity to truly see each other’s hearts through eye contact, body language, tone, and presence. If this issue is so important that you need to address it with the other person, give them the respect and courtesy of speaking to them personally.

3 Responsesto “Off Your Chest”

1. Holly Bray says:

   May 31, 2011 at 12:52 pm

   So, if we decide NOT to confront the friend who’s repeatedly & KNOWINGLY commiting the same sin, is it ok to tell that friend to keep the ‘details’ of said sin to themselves?? I guess in a way that’s telling them how you feel about it, but wihtout ‘throwing up’ on them…? Sometimes these things that we feel the need to ‘get off our chest’, turn into way bigger issues because we’ve avoided the confrontation for too long.

   Well said Anthony! This is a great article!!
2. Anthony says:

   May 31, 2011 at 2:41 pm

   Guess it depends what it is. You have to determine if the “sin” the other person is involved in is really detrimental to them physically (seriously) or spiritually (at all). If it is then you have to say something IF you have earned the right to say it, you have confessed your own sins, and are willing to do the work to help them yourself. When you do, it needs to be lovingly, gently, and in person.
   If you tell them not to talk about it anymore around you, that’s almost more judgmental than actually confronting them about it.
   Christian have been called to judge other Christians that they are in relationship with in order to restore them. But Christians are explicitly not supposed to judge non-Christians. For someone who is not following Jesus, they don’t need you to tell them how immoral they are, they need to be introduced to Jesus. For someone who is a Christian and not walking out their relationship with Christ, then they do need to know that they are falling short and setting a bad example for others, and more importantly, ruining their witness.
   We also have to pick our battles. If this is about smoking, having a minor weight problem, or not being organized enough; then our mouths need to be kept shut. If this is about an affair, a drinking or drug problem, or a bitterness issue (etc…), then we need to call these things out- VERY GENTLY.

   Good thoughts Holly.
3. Anthony says:

   May 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

   And if you’ve called them (Christians only) on something before and they don’t listen, then you need to bring someone else into the confrontation. If they still don’t listen, then get the Church (pastors, mentors, teachers, elders that the person knows) involved. And if they still don’t listen. Don’t have any thing to do with them. – Jesus (Matthew 18)